These past three months, I’ve been on a journey. My journey has been primarily marked by the transition into motherhood, but I’m beginning to see something woven into this part of my story that holds an incredible significance. To say that I’m at the starting line would be accurate. I’ve only just begun. I have so much to learn. I have much room to grow.
I love that word. Just take a moment to breathe it in. It is the essence of Christ. It is beautiful. It is the opposite of pride. It is everything that I am after in this current season of life.
“Humility is the fear of the Lord; its wages are riches and honor and life.” Proverbs 22:4
If I were to rewind to four months ago, just weeks before I met my sweet baby boy, I would have foolishly but with good intentions told you that pride was not my vice. There were others things that I was focusing on, and I would have told you that I was a work in progress, certainly not complete or having “arrived”, but, truth be told, I had a huge blindspot in this area.
Since becoming a mom, life has changed in just about every way. The change has been a hard good. Do you know what I mean? It’s like the training for a marathon. It hurts. It’s incredibly challenging. The discipline required is grueling. But the payoff is priceless. The end result of crossing the finish line a better version of yourself than who you were before you started training is such an amazing thing. Take that and multiply it by, well, a lot. That’s motherhood for me. The payoff far outweighs the cost, but the cost is real. The struggle is real.
And this journey has revealed the pride in me.
“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18
You see, pride wears many masks. It’s not just portrayed in arrogance. It rears its ugly head simply through self-absorption. How much do I think about myself, good or bad thoughts? When I wake up in the morning, am I immediately consumed with me? Whether it’s self-disdain or self-love, both are versions of pride. Are my thoughts focused on God’s glory or my own? God’s Kingdom or my own? God’s agenda or my own? God’s desires or my own?
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2
For me, becoming a mom caused the pride in my life to rise to the surface pretty quickly. It brought me to my knees. Because for the first time in my life, I realized just how out of control I really am. I can have as many “plans” as I want to, but at the end of the day, it’s the Lord’s plans that will succeed. I can walk in as much confidence as I can muster up, but at the end of the day, I don’t know it all, and I have a tremendous amount of learning still to do.
But you see, pride lies to us. It whispers deception, causing us to believe a false version of ourselves, thus causing us to believe an inaccurate view of God. It tricks us into thinking more about ourselves and therefore, less about God. It causes us to want glory for ourselves, thus robbing God of His. The pitfall of pride? It over-promises, but it under-delivers.
I’m still a work in progress. Daily, God continues to reveal the pride in me. My response? I’ve begun to ask Him to give me a heart like His, one that despises sin and breaks over whatever would separate me from Him. And this has become my prayer:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” Philippians 2:3