The definition of love

“Love is giving of myself to meet other’s needs, whether they deserve it or not, and expecting nothing in return.”

How many times have you heard it said, “God is love”? Think about it. My guess is that you won’t be able to tally up the amount of times, but I think you and I both can come to the conclusion that we’ve heard this a lot. Too many times to count. We know that God is love. It’s one of His attributes we rarely question. But then there is human love, something drastically different. Human love is flawed and broken, conditional and limited. Human love disappoints, lets us down, and can leave us terribly wounded. So, we build walls, barriers to protect ourselves from being hurt again. We determine that love must be conditional, give and take, but not too much give because then we’d be vulnerable. Our understanding of love has become so distorted by our experiences with it, that the above definition almost resonates within us as abrasive, extreme, or even ridiculously impossible. “What do you mean whether they deserve it or not? If they don’t deserve my love, why should I give it to them?” And so the conversation begins.

Like anything else in life, the lens by which we see and understand this fallen world that we live in must be the lens of God’s Word. Culture, society, and even psychology will tell you to follow your heart. Do what feels good, whatever will make YOU most happy. God’s Word says to guard your heart, not to follow it. God’s Word says that your heart (feelings and emotions) will deceive you and that His will for your life is to become holy as He is holy, not happy as He is happy. Do you see the dramatic difference between God’s wisdom and the world’s advice?

So, let’s break it down, shall we? Love is…

• “giving of myself” – This part assumes sacrifice. And we don’t like that word, do we? To give of yourself is to spend yourself and even exhaust yourself for someone other than yourself. This means time, energy, affection; it’s a “you first, me second” mentality. How are we doing on that one?

• “to meet other’s needs” – Are we even aware of the needs of those around us? Or are we so absorbed with self that we are blind to the needs that radiate from those surrounding us? If we can’t get our eyes off of ourselves and our needs, we will never really be like Jesus. Meeting other’s needs was core to who Jesus was and His coming to earth to live among us. He came to seek and to save the lost. Being lost is a great need, and Jesus came to meet that need. Are other’s needs a high priority to us?

• “whether they deserve it or not” – This is where it gets tricky. This is a hard obedience, but an obedience none the less. We live in a world that is ruled, ordered, and ranked based on what we deserve. Work hard, and you get the raise. Put in the extra time, and you’ll get noticed. Nothing is free. Well, not in God’s economy. Let me put it this way. Do you or I deserve God’s forgiveness and His grace? Do we deserve to be pardoned by Christ’s death on the cross? Did we earn His love for us? No, the answer to all of these questions is no. We are called to love as God loves us. His love is freely given, without charge, and therefore ours should be as well. Love is a choice, an act of our will. Whether we feel like it or not is beside the point. We are called to love.

• “and expecting nothing in return” – If we weren’t already challenged, the bar has just been raised. I think we all can agree that if we know there’s a reward for our efforts, we’re more willing to give them. But what if there’s not? What if we’re required to love, even the unlovely and unlovable, even though we know we won’t receive accolades in return? The truth is simply this: to say you love while expecting anything in return isn’t true love at all. Love gives without expectation to receive. Love sacrifices without expectation of a payoff.

How are we doing with this? How is this understanding of love evident in our marriages, our friendships, our families? Read it one more time:

“Love is giving of myself to meet other’s needs, whether they deserve it or not, and expecting nothing in return.”